Rude dating jokes

Posted by / 12-Apr-2016 00:12

The next day the man returns to the store and walks directly to the same cashier. "Here," he says to the cashier, "put your hand in here." The cashier puts her hand in the brown paper bag. "Yes, that's right," says the man, "I need to buy two rolls of toilet paper."A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house. " The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. "There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. I must see the cat before I can sell you cat food," says the cashier.With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row of the adult cinema, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.

A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes. In marriage, the bride gets a shower; but for the groom, it's curtains! Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.

Blind dates are just plain scary, but it gets a lot worse when you meet them and discover they are far from even the most meager of hopes you had for them to be what you wanted. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about himself/herself. Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full, and spray crumbs.

When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food. If a crumb lands anywhere near your date, pick up the crumb, put it in your mouth and say, "I'm all about conservation." Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you. Go back to the head waiter/ hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. When your date finally finds you, ask them "What took you so long in the bathroom?

When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line. When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, "Oh goodie. Come on in and meet them." He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. The guy says, "No, ma'am." She says, "Well, do you have any dates? One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I want to know how much did that date cost you..." "It cost me only four euros!

As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. " And he says, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates? Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?

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Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies. Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts "Duke! Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. "Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you! "I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "It's a miracle!

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